Grounding is a discipline technique which many parents use when their children have gone against their wishes. They can forbid them from attending social events – parties, sleepovers, play-dates for a specific period of time (long enough for them to reflect on their behaviour) or they can stop their children doing certain activities – watching television, using the wii or playstation, any ‘punishment’ that the parent thinks their child will learn from.
Some children hate to be grounded – after all their friends can still do what they can’t and they can’t wait for the grounding period to be over. Other children see the grounding as a challenge. They will try and find a way to still see their friends or use the electronic device they were banned from.
I am not a fan of grounding as I am not sure that it is effective as a behaviour management tool. I think that there are more effective ways of teaching a child that rules are there to be followed and that if they are not happy with them then they need to be re-visited.
So how effective do you think grounding is? Should we use groundings and if so when? Do you use it now?
My husband and I have never grounded our children. We used natural consequences when necessary, but when others grounded their children it seemed to be ineffective. If there was a concern we discussed it with our children.
My sons are grown, but I can say from experience that grounding, when done with purpose, helps children feel more secure. Whenever I grounded them, it was with the understanding that “grounding” is a reminder that home is where the answers are – and that their behavior should reflect our values at home. It was always for a specific time frame, that was meaningful but not over punishing. Each parent needs to determine this with each child – because they are all different.
In my experience, grounding was more of a bonding experience, than a punishment
Leah thank you for your comment. I am not up to that stage yet as my children are still small. I can’t see myself using it though either.
Joanna that is an interesting thing that you say – it was more of a bonding experience than a punishment. I suppose it depends what your child takes from the grounding and what they are doing instead if they are not allowed out. If they have to spend time with you because they are bored then I can see how it would be bonding. Thank you for that angle.
I was grounded as a child and it dod make me think about what I had done, especially when my sister went out to play and I couldnt go. Once, I went out when I was grounded and was grounded even longer and i will always remember that as it was the most boring summer holidays ever!!
I will probably ground my daughter when she is older if she does something bad. I think its a real hit home that their behaviour is unacceptable
Clair well it certainly worked for you so hopefully it will work for your daughter too. I know it would work for my oldest but not for my youngest – they have very different personalities. Thank you for your comment.
I agree with Joanna. My children are now adults and in fact my eldest daughter has her own child now but she agrees and will be using grounding as a mixture of both punishment and bonding – I found it very effective and would use the “grounded” time to promote more positive behaviour and allow the child to realise what they had done and why they were grounded – through their own reflection.
I did not grow up with being grounded hence not being sure of doing this once my children get older. Jane I think the point you make re. promoting positive behaviour is a good one and I can totally see the effect it would have on the child. Thank you.
We use grounding as a natural consequence for one of our boys who pushes boundaries by coming home later than agreed. It works in short bursts and makes sense in that if you don’t come home/check in as agreed you need to stay home because we need to know where you are and that you’re safe.
Yes Fiona I agree with what you are saying. It is all about trust and rsspect for us as parents when they stay out later than agreed. They need to learn to stay within parameters that we agree on. Thank you for your comment.
I was just reading a book in Simplicity Parenting that talks about the power of grounding in a positive light. It points out that sometimes our kids need that “grounding” to bring them center to the core needs they have been missing. To bring them back home so to speak. Gordon Neufield talks about this as well in his book. I haven’t reached the point of needing to ground my child as of yet but I believe that if I approach it in a respectful manner it will provide the “grounding” that is sorely needed.
It sounds like a great book Stephanie. There seems to be power in using grounding but I guess as with anything your child has to respect why you are doing it. Thank you so much for letting us know about the book and for your comment.
Grounding is punishment, a tool that should be removed from a parent’s discipline toolbox. Punishment is designed to make a child “pay for he or she did.” It is more important that we examine what it was that the child did that some might consider grounding as the consequence. If a child blatantly violates a parents rule that cannot be broken, then a logical consequence should be used instead and it must be related to the rule breaking infraction. It must also demonstrate respect to the child as well as teaching him or her responsibility.
Bill thank you for your comment. I can see where you are coming from. Yes we certainly do need to examine what happened and give a consequence. For some that is grounding and for others that may mean the child having to wash up for a week.
Yes it does. Children need to know that consequences exists in this world.
Stephanie thank you for your comment. Yes children do need to learn consequences. Grounding could be one of those.
I’m just entering the teen stage with my son so any advice is very welcome! I haven’t used grounding for a recent situation as I believe he was sorry and had learned from what he’d done wrong. Discussion and open communication are better in my mind…. but ask me again in 6 months!
Libby yes I think there is room to change and do things differently. I cant imagine doing it but never say never.