Pinboard with the word Change pinned on

Does your child takes responsibility for their actions? Does your child know that in order to change a situation they have to do something differently? Whose child expects others to change to make a situation better, rather than make a change themselves?

I imagine the last one question rings true for many parents and I see this occasionally in my coaching sessions. A child will list all the things that they want to change but don’t think it is down to them to make those changes. This applies particularly to parents. Children will be unhappy about mum or dad nagging or shouting at them and say it is down to mum or dad to stop, rather than considering that their own actions may need to change.

We need to teach children that relationships are a two way street and that if their parents were to make changes then they would also have to change and then stick to their side of the bargain. They cannot expect that a situation will improve without their input. So what can your child do?

Encourage Change in Children

Get your child to think about how they interact with their friends. Friends give and take, talk to each other nicely and negotiate so everyone gets what they need/want.  If your child is able to do this with friends, then they understand how to treat people in order to keep their friendships.

Most children do understand but may not feel like they need to act this way with their parents.  Could they bring some of those skills into the home? Yes, of course they could!  Have this kind of discussion with your child and see what they can do to make home life a happier place for themselves.

They may not have even considered they are treating their parents differently or unfairly.  Ask them how their friends would react if they didn’t talk nicely to them or ignored their questions? If they consistently forgot to do a task set by their teacher, what would be the consequences? It is not just parents that expect certain behaviour, so children need to look at themselves and see what they can do to change their behaviour and improve relations with their parents.

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