Children and the CliqueAt some time or another we have all been left out – whether that is not being invited to a party or not being included in a conversation or game. How did it make you feel? Awful I bet. How does it make your child feel when they are? I imagine they feel awful too. So what can you do as a parent when they come to you with hurt feelings because they have been excluded by one person or by a clique?

You could share your experiences of when you were or are left out and you can help them to understand that they cannot be included in everything.

You can get them to focus on other friends or people they like in their class/year – away from the clique and the excluder. Perhaps they could spend time with children who aren’t part of a clique. Talk to your child about the other children and ask them who do they think would make a good or better friend?

Ask them if they think they could remain part of the clique and accept the situation. However if they do they need to stay true to who they are and not change themselves to be included.

They could become friendlier with the people they like in the clique and spend time with them outside of school so that their bond with them is stronger and they are more likely to be invited into group activities more.

There are always going to be times when your child is left out. By teaching them resilience and discussing the reality of how friendships and cliques work they will soon understand that it is not just them who is not invited to everything and that they should enjoy the times when they are.

How have you dealt with your child’s exclusion?

 

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4 Responses to Your Child and The Clique

  1. It’s interesting, we had this issue just this week. My daughter didn’t get an invite to a party. Invites were everywhere on the playground, all her friends got one, but nothing for her. She’s a popular girl, and has great friends, but for some reason this one little girl doesn’t like her. I will take her out for a treat the day of the party and spoil her for a couple of hours. Plus she knows it’s not possible to be popular with everyone. But it is hard when your best friends are included in a group, and you’re not – who do you play with then?

  2. I think you carry on playing with the girls you always have. If you like them and they respect you and are kind then why not. You are right you cannot get invited to all the parties however I think it fair if you are going to put to invites that they go to the whole group of friends or the parent encourages the child to ask less than half the girls/class otherwise it does feel like exclusion. If your child knows who they are liked by and who not then they can be more accepting of not receiving an invite. Would she invite this girl to her party?

  3. denny hagel says:

    Any time our kids hurt we as parents tend to want to fix things but the most important thing is to honor your child’s feelings, comfort them with compassion and use the experience to teach them to be compassionate to others. It is important for our kids to know that we have no control over the choices of others…only our choice in how we react and respond. Great article!

  4. Denny thank you. Yes sometimes we don’t know why others behave in a certain way and if we are brave enough we can ask. We have to choose what to do – we can’t make others include us. What you are saying makes such sense.

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