Not everyone is going to like us just as we are not going to like everyone we meet. Do children think the same? Do they understand this? I am not sure they do entirely, especially young children. I say that because some of the children I see need to be liked by everyone and find it hard to accept when they aren’t. They don’t know the reason why people don’t like them yet they are desperate for their attention and affection. What they aren’t thinking about is if whether they actually like the other person and why it is so important that they need to be liked by them. What does it say about the child?
Dealing With The Need To Be Liked
Let’s help our children to deal with the need to be liked and to feel more confident in themselves. Feeling un-liked can cause distress in some children but they need to understand that it’s not always about them. Other children will have their own likes, preferences and insecurities that will influence their behaviour and the friends they want to make. Maybe your child doesn’t fit with those but that’s OK – we can’t all be the same. It might be because they are very different to them and the other child may not like or understand difference, so they don’t want to be friends. It may be because they are intolerant and don’t like your child’s personality and the way they behave so avoid them. Perhaps one child is very loud and outgoing and the other is quiet and shy. Their personalities might clash or a shy child may find a more gregarious friend hard work. It could also be because they don’t understand who the other children are and don’t want to take the time to understand them. Perhaps they would like each other and be friends if they got to know them, but we can’t force others to be attentive or interested in us.
There are many reasons others may not like them but they are not important. Your child needs to know they are likable and are good enough for their friends. They need to focus on their good friends who spend time with them regularly and like them for who they are. That’s what matters. Children should never try to change themselves in order to be liked. Have a look at my ‘WOW’ board if they need a little help in that department.
