It May Not Be Logical To Your Child

Children can’t always apply logic so they need to be taught. When you instruct them to do something they can’t take that one instruction and relate it to another similar situation. For example if you tell them to put their dirty dishes in the sink and you mentioned this at breakfast time they will only do it at breakfast time. If you want them to put their dirty dishes in the sink whenever they use a plate/bowl you need to spell it out to them.

What situations do you find you need to be thorough in your instructions?

20 Comments for this entry

• 

  Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD

  January 26th, 2011 on 7:36 pm

  Naomi,

  This is simple genius. We are quick to think that kids can extrapolate information from one instance and apply it in another. We need to tell them things over and over again, without getting frustrated, rolling our eyes or worse!

  They don’t learn how to tie their shoes after just one time observing how it’s done. We shouldn’t assume they can pick up on other things any quicker. Time, patience and repetition!

  Wendy @Kidlutions
• 

  Naomi Richards

  January 26th, 2011 on 7:48 pm

  Thank you Wendy for your comment. Patience is something that does not come naturally to us – if only it did. There would be less shouting, nagging etc and we actually hate nagging etc.
• 

  LaToniya A Jones

  January 26th, 2011 on 10:46 pm

  Naomi,

  We just had a similar conversation about my 9 year old. He’s bright academically, but we still need to coach him on daily life skills. I believe that helping him to understand the “why” associated with a directive cements the action and allows him to discern when to DO IT! When we aren’t clear as parents (educators, caregivers) we will need to repeat the directive. Even as an adult, if you haven’t made it clear to me that this the expected behavior always I may even only DO It then.
• 

  Naomi Richards

  January 27th, 2011 on 7:28 am

  LaToniya thank you. Yes I think it is important to explain clearly to a child why they should do something else it is a case of why should I? Sell the beenfits!
• 

  Libby

  January 27th, 2011 on 7:40 am

  I made an error yesterday as a group of parents watched me do a group. I gave them the same materials to take home and 3 parents asked me what to do with them! I assumed that having watched, they’d know. May be we all need to be better at explaining! Never assume!
• 

  Naomi Richards

  January 27th, 2011 on 7:44 am

  Absolutely. One way to avoid this is to ask our children ‘Do you understand what mum has asked you to do/why you need to do this?’ Thank you Libby for your comment.
• 

  becky

  January 27th, 2011 on 7:46 am

  I try to explain but its not always easy if I am rushing around. I try and encourage the children to think though what they need to do e.g what should you do with your dish now?
• 

  Fiona Strachan

  January 27th, 2011 on 7:51 am

  I’m with Wendy… simple genius! One of the big frustrations for parents is having to repeat requests, time and time again. This is a great reminder that sometimes our requests are not as clear as we think they are and that cause and effect thinking is learned as we grow and develop.
  Thanks Naomi!

  Fiona
  @adoptresources
• 

  Naomi Richards

  January 27th, 2011 on 8:01 am

  Prompting is a great way to get your children to think and when we are in a rush we forget to explain. Explaining can save time and angst in the long run. Thank you Becky for your honesty.
• 

  alma

  January 27th, 2011 on 8:28 am

  In principle I believe that as parents we have to take time to explain as much as we can. Personally, I took the decision to step back a bit from a frenetic business life in order to be able to do that. However, I think also that kids have to learn that there are situations in which they just have to do what they are told even if they don’t see the rational or if they do not understand the “why”.

  I’ve learned this in particular with my youngest daughter. She tends to ‘discuss’ and ‘negotiate’ every single thing that involves her. Once we were walking in the centre of the old town in a zone where traffic is strictly limited to emergencies. Although I had explained that several times in the past, she probably did not realise the real meaning as she never saw a car there. She was moving freely from one side of the street to the other, like all other kids, as usual. When once a car approached she did not noticed it. I did. I shouted “stay put” – But of course she had to reply, she turned on herself and started talking. A lady next to her, grab her and stopped. The lady told her “I am sure you heard you mum saying to stay here”. This is just a small example but there might be situations in life which are far more dangerous…

  Kids have to learn the ‘how’ and the ‘why’ but also that parent knows more and that sometimes they just have to trust them and act as told even if there is not opportunity for an explanation….
• 

  Hairy Farmer Family

  January 27th, 2011 on 8:41 am

  We do not have a problem with logic nearly so much as holding Harry’s attention long enough to apply it! Although this does make me wonder if some of the times I have been impatient with him for wandering off and being all SQUIRRELS! SQUIRRELS! SQUIRRELS! when he is supposed to be following a known routine, could be as a result of a slight variation which has thrown him into confusion.
• 

  Naomi Richards

  January 27th, 2011 on 11:43 am

  Fiona thank you so much for your kind comment. I think asking a child to repeat something back can be helpful.
• 

  Naomi Richards

  January 27th, 2011 on 11:46 am

  There is always an exception. You are right Alma and that is when your child is in a dagerous situation and we don’t have time to explain. Thank you for a new insight into the theme of logic. Its appreciated.
• 

  Naomi Richards

  January 27th, 2011 on 12:26 pm

  It must be difficult Hairy Farmer to keep his attention and I understand that logic does not register with him either. Patience is not easy, deep breaths and calm voices etc……. Thank you for your contribution.
• 

  susie@newdaynewlesson

  January 28th, 2011 on 12:05 pm

  I also find that asking the kids to look at you while you talk to them helps them focus.
• 

  Chris Spradlin

  January 28th, 2011 on 1:12 pm

  AGREED! I do the same thing Naomi, as much time as it may take. Here is how you fold the socks, here is how you rinse the bowl out, turn the disposal on and here is where you put it in the dishwasher! Great stuff.
• 

  Naomi

  January 28th, 2011 on 1:12 pm

  Agreed Susie. You can’t effectively ask or instruct without them looking at you – how do you know that they are listening otherwise.
• 

  Naomi

  January 28th, 2011 on 1:14 pm

  Thank you Chris. Providing information takes time but I feel it is worth in the long run.
• 

  Clare

  January 28th, 2011 on 1:21 pm

  My daughter is very logical and sometimes this catches my unawares. I remember she wouldn’t join in her first swimming lesson (she was about 3 and half years old). Having tried everything, I resorted to bribary. ‘If you go in the water Amie, you can have an ice cream after’. To which she promptly marched into the water, got wet, turned straight round and got out ‘done – can i have my icecream now?’. I couldn’t say no then could I? – she did what I had asked!
• 

  Naomi

  January 28th, 2011 on 9:16 pm

  Now bribery that is a new blog on its own! I think we have all done that at sometime to coerce our children to do what we want/we need them to do. Thanks for the comment Clare.

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