Some children can only think about themselves and what they want to do. They find flexible thinking difficult and often would rather not do something they haven’t chosen than suffer doing what another person wants.
It doesn’t have to be something big. It could be that they don’t want to watch a particular movie at the cinema or play a specific game. Whilst we don’t always have to do what others want to do, friendships need some flexibility. And what does it say to your child’s friends if they never go with what others want? It can be seen as stubborn and selfish, as they seem unable to think about others’ needs and wants.
And their friends would have a point – it’s difficult to be friends with someone who always wants their own way.
Why is My Child So Inflexible?
There are many reasons for inflexible thinking, including:
- Wanting to feel in control
- Staying in a comfort zone
- Being used to getting their own way regularly
- They are used to prioritising their own needs and not caring about or recognising the needs of others.
- Dominant personality – may naturally be a ‘leader’
Whatever the reason, we should help children to think more flexibly.
Flexible Thinking For Kids
Stubbornness is not a trait that parents want to encourage in our children too much. Nor is being inconsiderate of other people’s feelings and interests. Flexible thinking is what we need, so encourage your child to be more open-minded and say yes a bit more.
Teach them to go with the flow as sometimes really great things happen when we don’t stick to our guns and are brave enough to do something out of our control and comfort zone. I coach many children who can only think about their agenda. Once those children become more open-minded, they discover new things to enjoy and their friends want to include them more in their plans as they can see they have become more open to it.
How is your child with flexible thinking? Considering others is a key life skill, so help them with it!
For more help in supporting your child, why not check out The Parent’s Toolkit. It’s a great resource for parents to help them deal with the issues that arise with our children.
[Published August 2021 | Updated April 2025]
