Child alone with football

We cannot always be the first one picked for a team. Our children know that. They also know that sometimes you are the last one to be picked and there is nothing you can do about it or is there?Some children are never picked to be part of a group or a team and that is soul destroying. They may ask themselves ‘Why haven’t I?’ and ‘What have I done wrong?’ There are also the thoughts of ‘No one must like me’. There are feelings of hurt and disappointment but we need to be able to change those into hope. We can help the child look at the situation of not being picked in a different light and change being left out to being included instead.

Ways To Change Being Left Out

  1. Can they try and find out why they aren’t asked to join a team or group?  Is there a child who is always chosen, that they trust and who they can talk to about it? What could they say to that person? Perhaps role play this out with them. Once they know what the barrier is to being asked do they need to tweak something about themselves? Maybe other children see them as annoying.
  2. Ask them if they think they are trying hard enough with their peers? Are they joining in conversations and allowing people to get to know the real them? If not, what can they do to try harder? Do they feel confident talking about themselves or joining in a chat? If not, give them tips they can use and ideas of things to say. Show them how they can feel and look more confident.
  3. Remind them of their good friends and that people do like them and help them to look for the evidence.
  4. Get children to be fair when they are picking teams and to include others who are on their own.
  5. Suggest they make a plan with a friend or someone they like and make an agreement that they will choose each other when it comes to picking teams or being in a group.

Help your child to see that things can change. They may feel upset about the current situation but if they try out some of the ideas above they will feel more in control of the situation and happier they are doing something about it. Small steps!