The word 'argument' written in white chalk on blackboard

We all like to win arguments, don’t we? It gives us a feeling of knowing we are right but is it important to always win arguments and does it really matter if we lose – or back down? I know many children that will argue till the cows come home to get their point across and will continue to fight their corner until the other person backs down. But is it that important? Does it make you lesser of a person backing down or agreeing to disagree? No, I don’t think so when it comes to winning arguments. I think backing down is a skill that children need to learn and it can be done so in a graceful way.

Winning Arguments And Backing Down

  • Get your child to think about what the argument is really about. Is there another way to solve the difference of opinion or problem without the conflict?
  • Can they think about the other person’s side of the argument and understand the good points they have made? Perhaps they need to step away from the argument for a minute and think about what the other person has said. Can they agree with one part and tell the other person they do? It will take the heat out of the moment.
  • Can your child admit the things that they were wrong about – which perhaps caused the argument in the first place – and apologise? It may help the other person see what they also did wrong.
  • Help your child to take responsibility for their words, be mature about the argument and say something like, ‘I am not sure that we’re ever going to agree about this and suggest we stop fighting about it.’

No-one really likes to argue and often an argument can go on much longer than we wanted. What we need to do is help our children see that remaining friends with someone is much better than arguing and that backing down does not make them weak.

Does your child know when to back down?

The Parent'sToolkit by The Kids Coach, Naomi Richards - Book CoverFor more strategies on helping your child be the person you could consider life coaching for kids or you may want to read, ‘The Parent’s Toolkit’