It’s important for children to have friendships and include themselves in them. The type of friendship may vary. They could be the most amazing friends with lots in common and are supportive with each each other and spend a lot of time together. Alternatively, they might have school friends – they only see them at school and speak to them in or between lessons. They may have a few things in common but no tight glue holding their friendship together. Every group of friends will have a different dynamic and every child will feel differently about their friends.
I think so long as children know how to identify the right people for them and know how they should be treated, then good friendships can be made. But what about when children say that they have the right friends for them but they also feel out of the friendship circle? It could be that they aren’t always invited to places socially when the majority of their friends are or they don’t know anything about the conversations that are going on and feel excluded?
So, how can children still be part of the group they want to be in and be happy?
Easy Steps to Closer Friendships
Children need to think about why they feel excluded and what they can do to rectify it. The goal is to fit in but still be themselves. Talk to your child about how to build more involved friendships:
- They could learn more about the subjects discussed at break so they can join the conversation, or learn more about the games the other children play.
- Maybe they could start watching the same Netflix series that their friends are watching and talking about so they can join in the conversation more
- Get more involved in conversations in general by listening to the conversations and chipping in or asking questions.
- Show that they want to be a part of what their friends are doing outside of school too. They could even suggest a social activity to show that they want to meet people and get to know them outside of school too.
More Advice on Friendships
By making a more concerted effort, your child will feel they fit in more whilst still being authentic. For more strategies that can be used in friendships see my book, ‘Being Me (And Loving It)’
Check out all my other blogs on children’s friendships
If you would prefer a tailor made approach with some life-coaching sessions, then feel free to give me a call on 07961312749.
[Published November 2022 | Updated September 2025]
