There are plenty of children who like to take charge and be a leader when they are with their friends. It’s not necessarily because they want to be the leader, but because they like to be in control, which makes them more dominant.
They aren’t intending to be unkind and it can come from a place of wanting predictability of an outcome and to feel less anxious in social situations. This dominance can come from many places. For some children, it may be because they are used to having things their way at home. Or maybe they lead the action when they’re online. Telling others what to do has become their way of managing uncertainty and making sure things go the way they expect them to.
While this can come from a place of confidence or self-protection, being overly dominant with friends can affect friendships. Most children don’t enjoy being constantly directed, and over time, it can lead to their friends pulling away or avoiding playing with them altogether.
So, how do parents help children be less dominant with friends?
Helping Your Child To Be Less Dominant
We can start by gently exploring the child’s perspective on being dominant. Ask them how they feel when someone else takes over or doesn’t listen to their ideas. This encourages them to reflect on how their behaviour might affect others.
Encourage active listening. In today’s world, where conversations often compete with screens and distractions, learning to truly listen is a powerful skill. We can practice taking turns in conversations and decision-making, so children see the importance of both life skills.
Role-play can be especially helpful. Parents can act out common social situations with their child, showing how to respond when they don’t agree with a friend. For example, phrases such as ‘Shall we try this instead?‘ or ‘What do you think about…?‘ show they are listening and considering options.
Help them express what they want and need in a respectful way rather than giving instructions. This builds confidence without overpowering others.
Finally, another useful strategy is helping your child notice social cues, like noticing their friend’s facial expressions and body language. Maybe they can see and feel that their friends don’t want to do something.
All parents want their children to be happy in their friendships and part of that is wanting them to learn how to compromise and consider other peoples feelings, not to have control. It will help them develop stronger social connections.
How are your children with their friendships? Do they dominate or are they more laid back?
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