two boys arguing

This is a question I hear often, ‘How do I stop my child arguing? Its not easy as many children are argumentative and for any kind of relationship to really work, our children need to learn to occasionally keep their mouth shut and not disagree with everything that someone is asking them to do or that they disagree with. There is no need to share every thought and feeling when another person does something that annoys them. That may mean that they have to learn to develop tolerance, otherwise they could fall out with friends on a regular basis. If they are arguing a lot with their friends, which is not ideal for sustaining healthy friendships they may become known as ‘that’ person who regularly causes arguments and bad feelings. If this is the case, other children may want to avoid them.

SO HOW DO I STOP MY CHILD ARGUING? 

If it’s becoming a problem for them, we should give children the tools to try and improve the situation.

  • They can try to be more amicable to avoid causing an upset.  They can be friendly and stick to neutral topics.
  • They can think about the consequences before speaking. They can do this by thinking a situation through and asking themselves questions like: ‘Is it worth arguing about?’. ‘How will my friends respond?’. ‘If I say that, will I upset anyone?’.
  • Can they walk away if they feel an argument is starting? Or try not to react to triggers as they might normally.
  • Can they learn to argue their case calmly. They won’t always agree with their friends but they can disagree without getting cross.
  • They could think about how others behave and that what they say may not be intended to be rude. Their friends may just have a different type of personality and way of expressing themselves.

We don’t want our children to walk on eggshells but we do need to teach them how to avoid an argument, if possible. Being more tolerant and less judgemental will mean fewer arguments and better friendships. Surely, that’s what we want for our children, isn’t it?