How to Deal with Performance Anxiety & Stress

The end of the school year means it’s performance time for many children. They may be involved in the end-of-term school play, the talent show or taking part in an end-of-year activity that requires them to show off what they have learnt.

Performing is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and for children, it can feel very nerve-wracking and scary. Even the most confident child can suddenly feel nervous when the spotlight is on them. They might worry about forgetting their lines, singing the wrong words, getting a note wrong when playing their musical instrument or not being as good as the rest of the class. In their mind, everyone else seems louder, more confident and more talented, but we know that this is not true.

Being a bit nervous is actually helpful as it shows that the child cares about what they are doing and wants to do well. However, when those nerves turn into stress, it can hold your child back from enjoying the experience or doing their best as we want them to enjoy it.

So how can parents help them? There are some simple and practical ways you could use so they can manage those feelings and step on stage with more confidence.

Tips to Help a Child with Stage Fright & Performance Anxiety

Help them picture success: Encourage your child to imagine themselves performing well – speaking clearly, singing confidently and enjoying the moment. Visualisation is a great tool.

Talk through the ‘what ifs?’: Challenge the ‘What if I mess up?’ or ‘What if others are better?’ and ask them, ‘What would that actually change?’ or ‘How does that matter?’

Focus on the finish line: Help them think about how they’ll feel afterwards. That sense of accomplishment can outweigh the nerves.

Keep your child occupied beforehand: Sitting around waiting can make anxiety worse, so bring a small distraction like a game to keep their mind from spiralling.

Use calming techniques: Simple breathing exercises can help settle nerves and they are easy to practice at home.

Flip negative thoughts: Teach them to notice unhelpful thoughts like ‘I can’t do this’ and change them to ‘ I’ll try my best.

Remind them of past wins: Talk about the times they did well when they had to perform, as it can help build their self-belief.

Focus on what they can control: They can’t control the audience or other performers, but they can control what they do.

Emphasise teamwork: If it’s a group performance, remind them they’re not alone. Everyone has a part to play and no one is expected to be perfect.

Every child is different, so it’s worth trying a few approaches to see what works best for them. Learning to do things you’re nervous about, is an important life skill for children to tackle.  They’ll feel both relieved and proud of themselves, when the show is over.