Does anyone like a stubborn child? I guess many parents would say no. My answer would be yes and no, depending on the situation.
A stubborn child is often strong-willed, independent and confident enough to express their own thoughts and beliefs, and will be unwavering in their beliefs. There is no moving them, and that’s great when they are a little older and may take them far. It can also give them a sense of control, which helps build their confidence and self-esteem. These are good things.
The not so great is that stubborn children can really test a parent’s patience. You ask them to do something and they can dig their heels in, refuse to listen or act like you’ve said nothing at all. It’s no surprise this can leave parents feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and sometimes a bit helpless especially if they struggle to understand where their child is coming from.
Parents who have a stubborn child need to find a way to work with them rather than fight against them. So how do they do that? Try these tips I use with children in my life coaching practice.
Practical Tips to Help Strong-Willed Children
- Try to see things from your child’s point of view. When you approach situations as a team, it helps them feel heard and understood. This alone can reduce a lot of resistance.
- Notice and praise cooperation when it happens. Even small wins matter and positive reinforcement goes a long way.
- Be clear and consistent with your expectations. Children respond well when boundaries are firm but fair.
- Think about timing. If your child is absorbed in something, interrupting them can lead to instant pushback. Giving them a moment or a heads-up can make a big difference.
- Have open conversations. Let them know it’s okay to have different opinions and talk through those differences calmly.
- If your child struggles with change, give them plenty of notice. Knowing what’s coming helps them feel more in control and less likely to resist.
- Every child is different, and what works for one won’t always work for another. If you’re dealing with a particularly stubborn phase it can help to explore more ideas and approaches.
Give these tips a go with your strong-willed child. And if you need some support with helping your child to build essential life skills, take a look at my book The Parent’s Toolkit.
