Starting at a new school can feel a little scary for a child. There is so much to get used to – new teachers, teaching style, school layout and most importantly, being the new kid in the class when everyone else has been there for terms (or years). Hopefully, your child won’t feel like the new person for too long, but this will depend on how easily they slot into their new school environment and making friends with their classmates.
Some children find it difficult to get started when it comes to making friends, so at first it’s good to have more superficial things to talk about rather than get too personal with people they don’t know. Choose things that everyone knows about or are safe to discuss – easy topics that will help them to get to know people without pressure.
What kind of things do I mean? Well, here are some ideas for some simple conversation starters. Discuss these with your children, as being able to make easy conversation is a useful life skill to have and will help them make friends everywhere they go!
Safe Conversation Starters For Making Friends at School
- Lessons and subjects. ‘What did you think of maths today?’ or, ‘What’s your favourite subject?’
This opens up a conversation on the parts they struggled with, the topic they find easy or some other aspect of the lesson. Teachers. ‘What teacher do you have for maths today?’ or, ‘What do you think of Mr Smith?’
They could discuss how strict teachers are, how they find their teaching style or lesson etc.Homework. ‘How did you get on with the homework?’
Discuss what resources (like websites, apps etc) they find useful and share the information or ask what others have found.School activities or clubs. ‘What clubs do you do? or, ‘What do you think of chess club?’
If they’re thinking of joining a group, they can ask a classmate how they enjoy it, ask if it is friendly and worth attending.Class projects or group work. ‘How is your project going?’
If they are stuck, they can tell other children what element they are stuck on and ask what they did.
This works well for children as they can open up a conversation, everyone can relate to these topics and the conversation stays light and easy. These questions also give children a chance to notice shared interests, and it builds confidence.
Once a child feels like they’ve found classmates they like or trust, they can slowly start asking more personal but still friendly questions like:
- ‘Do you play any games or sports outside of school?’
- ‘Have you watched any good shows recently?
- ‘What did you do over the weekend?’.
The idea is first to find common ground with safe topics, then gradually open up a little more as friendships start forming. It’s not a race to get to know people quickly and for them to be your best friends in minutes, as even small talk about lessons or homework can turn into lasting friendships organically.
More Resources on Starting School and Making Friends
How Parents Can Help Children with Secondary School Transition
