If your child says that they would like to change something about their life, do they have the skills they need to make that happen? The ability to make changes relates to many things in life but, in this case, we’ll take a look at friendships.
For example, your child may have fallen out with a group of friends but would like to build bridges and become friends again. But if things were left on bad terms, this may need approaching carefully. Rather than blunder into a potentially awkward situation, get your child to think about how they will approach things.
Focus on the Steps to Change
Before they try to rebuild the friendship, ask them:
- How would they do it?
- When would they do it?
- Where would they do it?
- What would they do to become friends again?
- What would they say?
- Would they approach the whole group or just one person?
Get them to really think of the logistics of this happening and the answers to the questions. There could be potential consequences to their plan, so let them think of possible scenarios and problems.
Thinking About the Consequences of Change
- What would happen if they carried out this action?
- How would the group respond?
- Is it a good plan?
- They need to think of the response so that they are prepared for every eventuality.
- How would they would feel if their plan went to schedule?
- How would they know it had worked (would they all start talking and being together again at breaks?)
- What might stop them becoming friends again? What other approaches could they take?
Make a list together of the different ways they could solve their friendship problem and discuss each one before they try it out.
This kind of focused change really hones in on all aspects of how the change can happen, and these questions are important to think about before taking action.
This process can be applied to many changes, including self-improvement and dealing with new situations. Whatever the change your child is going through, work out the what, why, how, when, and where with your child to help them feel more prepared, calmer, and in control.