As parents of pre-teens and teenagers, we know how tricky friendships can be at this age. One week, your child and their friends are inseparable, the next, they’re distant or struggling to connect. It’s not because they have fallen out.
It’s because children don’t have all the tools they need to build on their friendships and keep them afloat. One of the things parents may have noticed, or you have made vocal, is that your child rarely asks their friends questions. And their friends don’t seem to ask any either! Or perhaps one child does ask questions, and may feel that conversations are a little one-sided, which can be very frustrating.
The reality is that it’s perfectly normal. Many young people simply haven’t yet learned how powerful asking questions can be. Some teenagers are naturally curious and so will ask loads of questions as they love finding out what others think and feel. Others focus more on sharing their own stories, opinions or interests without realising that real connection happens when we take an interest in others too.
Taking an Interest is a Life Skill!
Think about how it feels as an adult when you meet a friend and realise you are the one asking all the questions. Your friend will answer, but they don’t ask you anything back. After a while, it makes you feel like they are not interested in your life. Teenagers experience that too, even if they don’t articulate it.
Learning to ask questions isn’t just a nice social habit – it’s a necessary life skill. It helps young people build stronger friendships, navigate group dynamics and develop empathy and understanding. These are the same skills that will help them later in relationships, at university and in the workplace. They need to ask questions and take an interest in others.
Ask Your Teenager Questions to Model Behaviour
Parents can help by modelling curiosity at home. Ask your teenager thoughtful questions about anything they would chat to their friends about. Practice questions they would ask them before/after a weekend, the holidays, etc. Encourage them to see how asking and really listening shows that they care, are interested and build trust.
Friendship during the teenage years can be complicated, but it’s also a vital training ground for adulthood. When young people learn to ask questions, they learn one of life’s most important lessons: that genuine interest in others is the key to meaningful connection.
Does Your Teenager Need Extra Help? Try a Life Coaching Session for Teens. To book or find out more, give me a call on 07961 312 749.
