There is no point in setting rules that are not followed or that no one remembers. Rules, however, should be in place to help children learn what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. They also provide guidelines so that children know what is expected of them.
Without rules, home and school life can be tricky, as there isn’t the stability and safety that children need. With clear rules and boundaries, children know what they can and cannot do.
Create Age-Appropriate Rules & Boundaries
A family doesn’t need thousands of rules at home, but the ones you do have should always be age-appropriate, realistic and reasonable:
Realistic
We want our children to be able to adhere to the rules we set. You cannot expect a young child to sit at a table eating with a knife and fork when they have only just started to feed themselves. Make sure your child or teenager has the appropriate life skills to follow the rules you want to set!
Reasonable
The rules need to make sense to the child and to you. It’s important to know the reason you are setting a rule – rather than just it being a case of ‘do what I say ‘. Children will be more cooperative if they understand why they are being asked and if they’re aware of the positive/negative impact it is going to have on them and family life.
Consequences
Parents also need to agree on the consequences of breaking the rules. Think about what the consequences could be so that your child does not do it again. It could be doing chores, missing out on something they wanted to do/have, or having to wait longer for it. You don’t have to punish your child, but they do need to learn that actions don’t just affect them.
Rules at home need to benefit both the child and the family. They should help the child grow to be more responsible for themselves, their belongings and their family. Following rules has many benefits and teaches children valuable life skills like:
- how to treat other people
- self-regulation
- manners
- time-management
- organisational skills
- Self-discipline.
Rules are good for everyone if you choose them carefully with thought behind them. Your child must understand why there are rules and see that they are there to make them feel safe and secure. Rules are everywhere we go in society, so learning how to follow them will only benefit them in the future.
Parents don’t set rules to be meanies, but to help their children grow into wonderful adults. Make sure you explain that to your child.
Get Help & Support with Rules & Boundaries
If you would like some help with rule setting or your child understanding why we have rules and following them, please get in touch with me for a life coaching session.
I help children to find solutions to their own problems and develop the life skills they need to thrive. Read more about life coaching for children & teenagers.
[Published 2015 | Updated July 2026]
