group of kids shouting, social situations

Unless they want undesired attention, children shouldn’t be shouting and screaming at the top of their voices to get the attention of their friends. It might appear that they have something important to say and are looking for everyone to pay attention. But they may not have much to say and are just looking to be more visible within the group. We might know adults that do this and we don’t want to encourage our children to do the same. They don’t need to be loud and dominating in order to be taken notice of and to be visible to their friends and peers. However it is important that they are visible in social situations so they are not ignored or overlooked.

In my coaching practice, I meet many children who don’t feel that they are part of the conversation when they are with a group of friends. They feel like they are standing on the outside listening in and it’s not where they want to be. Their friends aren’t ignoring them but, for whatever reason, they just don’t feel visible in the conversation. There could be many reasons for this, like shyness, or not knowing much about the topic under discussion.

Whatever the reason, we can help our children to be more visible in social situations, without dominating or attention-seeking. Talk to them about improving their social skills.


  • Help them to get into the habit of speaking up, using their voice and being seen. Start small and keep building.
  • It doesn’t take much, just a sentence here or there. A thought or an opinion thrown in when they get the chance.
  • This will get them used to sharing their opinion and being seen and heard.
  • Every social group has it’s own dynamic and, if you’re always the ‘quiet one’, people will get used to that. Even small bursts of conversation will help to combat this perception and help them to feel a part of their group.

Encourage your child to do this so they are now visible and not forgotten by their friends and peers. For more help with friendships please see my ebook on successful friendships.