Most children do not like conflict. It can make them feel empowered whilst they are shouting, but they feel terrible the moment it is all over. Shouting does not resolve anything, and in fact, it can make a situation much worse. Conflict is going to happen between parents and children occasionally. So, it helps to teach children the life skills they need to resolve conflict – both with their parents and with their friends and peers.
As children get older, they will need to be aware that sometimes their thoughts, feelings and opinions may go against the grain of others, aggravating them. Let’s park the problem of peer conflict and concentrate on that between parents and child, and how to move on from it.
Parenting Tips for Dealing with Family Conflict
- Parents need to teach children that conflicts can be opportunities for growth. When they happen, children can learn something – both about themselves and the person they are disagreeing with. Disagreements can make them change their own behaviour or thoughts, giving them a greater awareness of who they are and what they stand for.
- Parents should teach their children not to be afraid of or fear conflict. When conflict happens, it shows that the other person has different ideas or beliefs to them and that a resolution ideally needs to be sought.
- Most of the problems I get to hear about in my coaching practice are between the child and their parents. The child is unable to see where the mum or dad is coming from when they are asked to do something. To reduce tension, parents could make their child aware of what is going to happen, give them a time of when it will happen and what is expected of them. You can also allow children to voice their own opinions on what is happening so that they, too, have a voice. When both parties listen to each other and are able to discuss something, there will be less need for conflict.
How do you deal with or anticipate conflict with your child? Staying calm and controlling your own behaviour tends to help too.
Alternatively, I do help with conflict resolution in my coaching sessions. If you would like to know more about how they work, then please do get in touch with me.
