It is never a parent’s aim to destroy a child’s self-esteem. However, there are some things they may do, without thinking, that can have a detrimental effect on how a child feels about themselves. These four points will help parents raise their child’s self-esteem, rather than destroy it.
The parenting tips are pretty easy to implement. It’s all about thinking about the words we use with our children to build them up.
4 Ways Parents Can Boost A Child’s Self-Esteem
1. Stop Comparing Your Child to Other Children
In a moment of anger and frustration, some parents might compare their child to another one of their children or one of their children’s friends by saying, ‘Why can’t you be more like….’.
Children who are constantly compared to others can come to believe that they are not as good as other children, and they may believe that their parents mean it. It’s better if parents don’t say anything comparable and keep silent when they are upset.
2. Don’t Criticise Them
A child’s self-esteem can be fragile, so parents need to be careful about:
- What they say to them directly
- What they say when their child is in earshot
- Not criticising who they are
Parents may want their children to be carbon copies of themselves but that will never happen so they need to let them be who they are. This can be difficult when it comes to academia, for example. Parents may expect their children to do really well because they did and are disappointed when their child doesn’t perform amazingly. The look on a parents face and the words of, ‘Why did you only get a C?’, will make the child feel that they have not lived up to their expectations. Instead they need to recognise what they are doing well at.
3. Don’t Be Bossy and Controlling
Children will be affected by bossy parents who don’t allow them to make decisions or choices. By doing so, parents are undermining what their child is capable of and denying them the personal growth that both bring. Decision-making is a key life skill that boosts self-esteem, so the more children do, the better. It’s a skill they will need as they move into secondary school and beyond.
4. Give Lots of Praise
Another way parents can destroy their child’s self-esteem is by not recognising a job well done. Children will resent doing that chore/job and so stop helping out if parents don’t. Children love validation, so parents need to give them some. It can be as simple as a thank you, or something more descriptive about the way they did something.
The tips above will help children feel good about themselves, which will have a knock-on effect on the rest of their life. By parents taking something away from these ideas they will support and encourage their children so they feel strong and able.
To help more with your child’s self-esteem have a look at my books that have great parenting tips and activities to help your child feel great or feel free to give me a call on 07961 312749 for an informal chat.
[Published March 2023 | Updated June 2026]
