Naturally, children want more independence as they get older. As they edge towards the end of primary school and move into the pre-teens they will want more. They may see their friends getting more freedom and want the same. Parents can’t stop this process too much, or else we will be hindering our child’s development, so we need to work with them.
It can be a scary time for parents letting their child go out into the world more, but by setting rules around what your child can and can’t do, you will also be keeping them as safe as you can.
It’s natural to want to keep your child safe, so how can parents stop being over-protective, panicky and let children get on with things, so they can learn the independence that they need to grow?
5 Ways to Develop Independence In Children
1. Remind yourself that it is not an easy time for either you or your children. New rules surrounding freedom are going to have to be put in place. Parents may get some of these rules wrong before they find out what works best and the rules may need to be adapted and changed as your child gets older, so be flexible.
2. Make rules around independence with your child. Be clear about what time they should be back, where they can go and who with. Decide how you will both communicate whilst they are out doing their own thing.
3. Be available for your child when they want to talk. Independence can bring new problems or worries so make sure you listen to them and help them, without judgment, when needed.
4. Realise that all children have to go through this stage of life and that with it comes new experiences and the growth of who they need to become. Whilst it may seem tempting to help or accompany them, they need to experience some things without you.
5. Finally, make your child aware of how they can be safe and instill in them your values and beliefs so that they know what is expected of them and can take responsibility for themselves.
Discuss all of the above with your child, and as they increase their independence, they will feel more ready for different situations. Do you agree with these rules? I’d love to hear more about what else have you done or would do to help your child develop independence
Does Your Child Need More Help with Developing Independence?
If you think your child would benefit from some sessions on becoming more independent, please do get in touch with me to learn more about life coaching for children.
[Published June 2022 | Updated July 2025]
