Helping Your Child Build Confident Communication Skills

Many people assume that everyone is a naturally confident communicator. When we look around we see people acting confidently, chatting away to people, whether they know them or have never met before and they seem to know exactly what to say. They look comfortable asking others for what they need and seem to handle everyday interactions without much thought.

But in reality, that is not always the case – especially for children. When we see a confident child it is probably in their DNA, but many children find communication skills incredibly challenging. They can find speaking to others overwhelming, they may not know what to say, worry about saying the wrong thing and some children really lack confidence to speak up at all. Simple things like making eye contact or starting a conversation can feel huge to them.

Why Some Children Find it Harder and How Parents Can Help

I’ve realised, in my years as a life coach for children that we have to actively teach and support communication skills to children who struggle with it rather than assuming they will develop them on their own. Some of those children will pick up these skills quickly whilst others will need more guidance, encouragement and practice to feel comfortable around their peers and adults. Without this support, everyday situations can feel stressful and some children will avoid them altogether.

For example, children need to be able to go into a shop and ask for what they want or sit in a restaurant and order a drink. They need to be able to ask someone for directions if they are unsure where to go. These are common situations but they require confidence and clear communication.

Clear communication is:

• thinking about what they want to say
• using polite language to say it
• using hello, goodbye and thank you when they speak
• knowing if they don’t, they might not get what they want or need.

Sharing their thoughts and feelings with their friends and family and learning how to stand up for themselves are both really important communication areas. We want to be raising assertive children.

Communication is not just about speaking. Children also need to learn how to listen. How can they show they are paying attention to another person?

• Eye contact
• Body language
• Responding appropriately through facial expressions
• Nodding their head to show agreement or understanding.

These communication skills can all be practiced through coaching but parents can also help by practicing with their children at home using role-play and by talking through real-life situations and how to navigate them (like the shop example mentioned earlier).

Giving children small opportunities to practice, like ordering food, asking for help in a shop or speaking to new people can gradually build their confidence. The first few times they do it will be terrifying but they will feel proud of themselves and become more at ease. With time, patience and encouragement, children can become more confident communicators.